It's All Worth It | FREE PRINTABLEWednesday, May 11, 2016
Thank You to Gerber for inspiring this post, everything shared here is straight from he heart.
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The other day, I was going through my Lightroom folders and somehow landed on these photos from my phone from the day after Ezra was born. Looking at these makes me feel like these moments were so impossibly perfect. I melt looking at my tiny baby (the nearly three year old I thought was so big) playing with my gigantic newborn's teeny tiny toes. What a beautiful moment captured. Oh my heart could explode. I long to squeeze either of them into those perfect, tiny little outfits. These days are so far in the past that I am looking at them with nothing but affection.
|Find 10 Benefits to Breast Feeding here.|
The truth is though, those first weeks with a newborn are hard. On this day, as in love as I was, Ezra was fighting to nurse. It was so frustrating, but I knew he would be good eater, eventually. No only was he struggling, I couldn't actually empty my bladder after birthing an almost nine pound baby and it was painful. I hurt so so badly. In fact, this same night, I woke Wesley up because I was crying so loudly because I was in pain. Sometime after this photo, Ezra's blood sugar dropped because he was too sleepy to nurse after a procedure and it scared me. Having a baby isn't pretty. It's beautiful and a miracle and so many wonderful things, but it can get pretty ugly sometimes.
The days and weeks that followed were precious, but hard. I had a lot of trouble bouncing back physically. Jonah acted out and we fought a lot while I was on maternity leave. I was stressed about going back to work and he refused to nap [Check out how to call a sleep consultant here] and I was so so so so tired. I remember yelling at him, a lot, and the guilt that comes from that makes me feel ashamed sometimes.
Ezra and I struggled to get into a groove and he ruined me nursing. I wound up with mastitis and thrush from open wounds and it felt like I had razor blades coming out with the precious milk I wanted to give him so badly. He wound up underweight and I blamed myself and exhaustedly did whatever I could to make up for it. I obsessively weighed him and nursed him and weighed him and nursed him. It worked though, we made it through. It was hard, but holding him and looking at his little face made my heart grow bigger and bigger.
Now, here we are 19 months later, and I found myself tearful today that he doesn't need his pacifier anymore. He has all but outgrown his brother and is a maniac that I love so much, yet here I am desperately missing this teeny tiny baby that wrapped so perfectly on my chest that people would ask "is that a baby in there?" Yes it is, and he's all mine. #Worthit - there are so many moments as a mom that make it all worth it.
With Ezra, I was intentional at memorizing the moment and breathing him in more so than I was with Jonah, but the time still passes so quickly. With Jonah, I wished THREE away like it was 100 degree heat well into October. I just needed a break. I needed three to chill out in a big way. I needed the season to change and the hard stuff to blow away with the cool breeze I hoped October and year four would bring.
BUT, oh there's such a big BUT, we learned. We loved each other. We grew and we hurt, but looking at my babies tonight all snuggled together in my bed, I can deeply and honestly say, it was all worth it.
Ezra's early days taught me a lot about his personality and about having patience with myself and him. He taught me that sleep is over rated, but I still need time to myself, to take care of myself. He taught me to follow his lead and wait until he was ready. Jonah, in the midst of his terrible threes taught me that a phase is a phase and it will pass. He taught me that sometimes you have to trudge your way through the hard stuff to get to the really really good stuff. For us, four is really really good. I know that I wouldn't know that four is so good, if three never happened. It really is all worth it. They are worth and I am worth it.
Gerber has created an opportunity for us to find the resources we need when we are really going through it, all in one place. They have resources for lactation consultants, dietitians, sleep consultants and you can learn all about those first feedings right on Gerber's website.
In the spirit of Gerber and the wealth of information they have compiled on this interactive site, I decided to give you a little freebie today in hopes that it will inspire you to keep going when things are hard and remember IT IS ALL WORTH IT!
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