comparison. compassion. - Behind the Camera and Dreaming

comparison. compassion.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

As much as it feels like we’ve evolved and moved past the mommy wars, it just keeps rearing its ugly head and seeping into the psyche of new moms. I struggle with the comparison game and it sucks when you hear new moms contributing to the problem. How does this happen? We keep continuing this cycle that gets us no where. I know my journey is my own and my choices are what are right for me, or heck, maybe I’ll make some wrong choices along the way. Either way, those choices belong to me.


I am done with comparison. No longer will I let another mom compare her baby to mine. No longer will I let myself compare my body to someone else’s post-baby body. No longer will I allow you to compare your birthing experience, pregnancy, or feeding experience to my own. My experience is mine and that’s how I will share it . . . as mine.

I will talk to you with compassion and share my experience. Maybe you will learn from me, maybe you will feel a little easier knowing I went through the same thing and came out on the other side.
I will also listen to your experience, hope to learn something and maybe give myself a break. I will love hearing about your baby’s first words, how smart they are, how soon they walked or how lazy they were and we will laugh together about how hard and fulfilling parenthood is.

I will not let you tell me, that my experience was invalid, insignificant, or not the best way. It is my way, my journey.

I will share some facts that I read or what I’m doing to better the lives of myself and my children, but if I’m not the expert, I won’t pretend to be. 


If you are struggling with something, I will offer compassion and empathy. If I’ve been through it, maybe I’ll share my struggles.

If I'm struggling and I share my heart with you, I'd love a compassionate ear, to hear your experiences and to know that I am heard and that my struggles are valid.

If your choices are different than mine, I can respectfully say Good for her, not for me.

Having a baby the living room (on purpose)? Good for her, Not for me. I’d love to hear your story though. I think you are strong and brave.

Homeschooling children? Good for her, not for me – right now, but I’d love to hear more about how it’s going.

Vegan? Good for her, not for me. Breast feeding a three year old? Good for her, not for me. Cloth diapering? Good for her, not for me. 

We are all different. Our children are all different. That's the way God intended it making each one of us unique. The world is an imperfect place and for most of us, we are trying and doing our best. 


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2 comments

  1. I have to believe that most instances of "comparisons" stem from insecurities. We have doubts or just a lack of confidence in ourselves and our decisions, and we try to make ourselves feel "better" by being "better" than someone else, in some way. I used to be just like but eventually realized how detrimental it was, and slowly changed my way of thinking. When I redirected that competitive energy into focusing on doing what's best for me and my family (continually repeating those very words - good for them, not for me), I discovered a deep-seeded confidence in myself and my decisions, and really, a new level of fulfillment with my life. When I stopped worrying about whether we were "as good as" or "better" than other people, I learned how to be incredibly happy with what we have, and incredibly proud of what we make of it. Sadly, this mentality is not reserved only for "Mommy Wars" - my dad's wife has this competitive, "better than" mentality about every aspect of her life and will probably never understand how little we care about her opinion. She is one of the most miserable and unhappy people I've ever known, and I don't think it's any coincidence.

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment Shannon. I love your thoughts! It's definitely not reserved for mommy wars - but it makes me super sad! I love talking to other women about our kids. I love sharing stories and I love hearing stories of little ones and motherhood experiences. It's pretty much my favorite thing and then someone says something unnecessary puts someone else down.

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