Struggling to write... Photos from Mother's Day - Behind the Camera and Dreaming

Struggling to write... Photos from Mother's Day

Thursday, May 15, 2014



I have been having a hard time writing lately. I feel like I have nothing to say. I am thinking constantly, but about my to-do list, baby names, potty training Jonah, and not really thinking. Not the kind of thinking that leads to being inspired to write. I couldn’t come up with some thankful, tear-filled mother’s day post. I wanted to, because I love being a mother, I love MY mother, I love connecting with other mothers. I love to watch and learn from the mothers in my life. I hurt for women who are separated from their children and mothers who are struggling with loss and understanding. I just seem to have fallen short in being able to express those feelings.

On Jonah: Vintgae Romper + Salt Water Surfers // On Stephanie: Ann Taylor  Loft Top + Noonday Collection Necklace + Jamberry Nails and a desperate need for a tan ;)

I'm struggling with articulating my feeling about the baby growing in my belly and about our family changing. I am truthfully struggling a little with expanding my arms past my one little boy who I cherish so much and at the same time, I see a newborn baby and I cannot wait until that day when I have this new baby boy safe in my arms. 


Over the past week or so, I have had some great moments with my son. Moments where I feel so close to him and moments where we just sit – side by side – knowing that we love and understand each other. He has made it to a stage where he will sit right next to me - touching, leaning on each other to watch a little television or read a book or just chat a little. 

We’ve had some really hard moments too. I am battling a little with disciplining my two and half year old that is just so fun-loving and silly sometimes that he doesn't understand when I’m serious. I am struggling with just making him happy to prevent a meltdown, even though it's wearing me out and maybe I should be teaching him differently. 



I am terrified of attempting to potty train him for real this weekend. I am prepared to be frustrated and tired but I don’t really know how to prepare myself for the ickiness of it all. I’m afraid of giving up and just letting him be my baby for a little while longer.



So, even though just random thoughts seem to pour out when I need them, I'm ready for rest and for the ability to focus and for the ideas to start flowing. It will come, but I feel like it's been too long and I need a little inspiration. 



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8 comments

  1. I think any mother would certainly give you a big hug and let you know that we've been there...and still are in many ways! Motherhood is crazy hard and crazy wonderful. I can't wait to meet your new little boy via blog soon! It's an exciting time.

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  3. This is a great mothers day post that I think we can all relate to. I know I have certainly had most of the feelings you have described (motherhood feelings) and it's good to know someone else has the same struggles. It will most certainly all come together.

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  4. Gorgeous photos. Change can be so hard, but it sounds like you are contemplating things and handling them gracefully.

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  5. Your little guy is adorable and so photogenic. I do remember thinking similar thoughts. How would I have enough love to share with two, when I was so in love with my firstborn son? The minute my daughter was born, I realized that someone you love them both to the moon and back. It's a miracle :) You're at such an exciting time in your life. I'm glad to find your blog from Little Things Thursday!

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  6. I think this post is great, thoughtful, and inspiring - even if it didn't feel inspired to you. I definitely relate to all the feelings about potty training and struggling with what to say and for sure about baby number two coming and all the what ifs. It will be a natural transition...you won't be able to imagine life without baby number two once he's here.

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  7. Perfect Mother's Day post. Love and struggle -- that's what Mom's do! Gorgeous shots.

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  8. Oh I've been there! I think we all have, you are not alone mama!
    Such beautiful photos!! You and your little one are perfect <3

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