The TGIF Post - Sort of...Friday, October 25, 2013
This was going to be a Friday catch up post, this was going to be a photography 'how to" inspiration post, this was going to be pictures of our loved ones who came to Jonah's party post and this was going to be a two year update post.
It is none of those. My head is buzzing, my brain is a little tired, and I started my day feeling like I was trapped in a child's playground ball pit and someone was just pouring more balls in and I couldn't claw my way out to put my feet on solid ground.
Sometimes, okay a lot of the time, working my 'real' job, being a mommy and following my passions is hard. It calls for late nights and sometimes I want to give it all up. Then, I find a way to make it all work, then I start thriving in one area, like my photography business, and want to quit my job. I know, for me, it's not realistic. I'm still paying for my graduate degree for goodness sake. It's not that I don't have passions in Social Work, it's just I get so much gratification from being creative. There honestly is little reward in my day job. Yes, sometimes people say thank you, but most of the time I feel like I'm making zero difference in zero people's lives, so that light that I try so hard to maintain just fizzles. We live in a broken world and the most broken people are not taken care of and I can't just can't provide for them because the provisions aren't there. I just don't feel like a great motivator these days. I tell myself that if I put my whole heart into it, God will work it out, but I'm still struggling. Contentment isn't easy.
In spite of it all though this weekend and for the next three weeks or so, I'm throwing myself ALL in. I have eight full sessions scheduled between now and November 10th. Newborns, siblings, families and couples. I am so excited. I finally feel like I can do this thing, but it means jammed packed weekends...because you better bet we are going to a Pumpkin Patch... and playing with all our new Birthday toys and spending time in our new tent. I will not give up my time with my little man to follow my passions. I will do both. I will. and we will be happy. Very tired but happy.
I know this is a season of my life that I cannot miss out on and there are some areas where I really need to pray and listen and feel. I am trying. Trying to listen. Asking God to reveal because I just need a good slap in the face sometimes.
Hope you all have a happy weekend.
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