I've started writing this many times, but just haven't managed to finish a whole post. Maybe I'm avoiding it, or maybe I'm just a little lazy.
I always want to be a forward-looking person - make the world better, hope for the future type thing - but today I'm just so nostalgic for the past it almost hurts.
A year has passed and I still have so many questions about this new life God has given me (after baby). I only dimly remember the old one ( before baby) so it really isn't about being a new mother.
I think I have a longing for more, always. I am not content. It just isn't in my nature. I want to do more, make more memories, stay home more, play more, sleep more, cuddle more, pray more, learn more...
I ask myself did I let too many days go by when he was still tiny without really treasuring the moments? Did I soak up every minute with him? Did I take a picture of him doing this or that? Did I write it down?
yes. no. probably. probably not.
Sometimes I long for this fantasy do-over, but who knows really if I'd actually DO anything different.
This past year has been filled with so many memories, experiences, firsts, lasts, celebrations, giggles, smiles, tears, trials, failures, and successes. Most of all it has been filled with a lot of love.
It's amazing how much room in your heart one tiny person can take up.
Not just my heart. This boy is surrounded by people who love him. really love him. It's kind of amazing how that happens.
He gives it back too. In a big way.
Looking at these pictures I took on his birthday, I think I'm getting a little glimpse into our future. In one moment I see maturity beyond just one year and in others I can still see my little chubby baby that is hanging on to infancy just a little longer.
His first tooth. the sweet smile. his wispy baby hair that I guess I'll have to consider cutting.
In another post (because I have way too many pictures to share) I'll go into detail about all the ways he is amazing right now. So that when I'm nostalgic I can look back and see just who he was at this one year mark.
For now I'm just going to stare at him a little more and think about all the amazing ways I can show him the love he's shown me in year two.