My Do Over Moment - Behind the Camera and Dreaming

My Do Over Moment

Friday, June 22, 2012


My Do - Over Moment
I usually like to keep it light and fun but sometimes, real life isn't so light. I've written posts here and there about my struggles with being a working mom and the end of our breast feeding journey, but when I really thought about my what my do-over moment would be I couldn't get THAT out of my head. There are many things in life that I wish I could go back and do-over. Not that I would make drastic changes, because each choice along the way has brought me to this place where I am today. . . and this place is pretty darn good. I thought, I could write about how I regret letting Jonah fall off the bed last week, spending two years in community college (waste of my time - not for everyone), not traveling more when I was in my early twenties, missing out on opportunities to meet more people and experience new things, not working harder to keep in touch with friends, but really in my life right now, my do over moment would be the day I decided to go back to work when Jonah was 8 weeks old. 



He's 8 months now, and I still think about what I could have done differently. In the months leading up to his birth, I was so focused on getting our new house ready, making it look good, making sure he had more than he needed that I didn't really take the time to go above and beyond to save my pennies. You see, I started a new job the same time I found out I was pregnant. I mean literally the same week. So, I had no vacation or sick time that I could take. None. I was able to save enough to make it about two months, but really couldn't see taking the full 3 months I would have been allowed.


 I'm sure no new mama is ever really ready to go back to work, but I didn't realize at the time how much I'd changed and how my priorities had changed. I still struggle day to day with working 40 hours a week, but for now it is what it is. Since Jonah was 4 months old and we ended our nursing relationship, I have felt like with a little more time at home, we could have established our routine, saved up more milk in the freezer, and eased into the transition a little more smoothly. Who knew I'd be so obsessed with the ability to nurse my baby? If you'd asked me 10 years ago if I'd breast feed, I would have probably looked at you like you were crazy and said uh no. gross. Now, I see how people stash loads of breast milk and buy extra freezers to store it all and it really bothers me that I wasn't able to do that! Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with bottle feeding a healthy baby and I really can't imagine what life would be like now if I were still pumping. So, I'm thankful for the freedom it has given us (at a very high price $$$) but knowing what I know now, I'd do it all a little differently if I could.

I guess that's what motherhood is all about though, right? Learning and growing and teaching our children that we aren't perfect and we don't expect them to be either? Making sure they know that we've done the best we could and would walk to the moon and back for them? He's not old enough to understand now, but one day I hope he will. I pray that he finds a loving wife, who will be a great mother to his children and he can pass the love on down. 

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I was compensated for this post as a member of Clever Girls Collective. All the opinions expressed here are my own.




XOXO




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1 comments

  1. What a beautiful post! I'm sure that he'll know how much his mama loves him! We all do the best we can and just hope that our best is enough!

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