The waiting part…{and a swift kick in the face} - Behind the Camera and Dreaming

The waiting part…{and a swift kick in the face}

Monday, June 06, 2011

…is the hardest part.

I started writing this post earlier today. Right after lunch. Sometimes it helps to get my thoughts down, so I can move on and finish up the work day. So, I'm going to post my original ramblings, then my rant and reinstated worry. I want it to be a reminder that things do get better and some days ARE filled with rainbows and sunshine!


Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


I feel like that’s all I do these days (wait). I look at the calendar/clock and just seems like I’m checking off the hours and days. I have made a commitment to myself to TRY really hard not to worry. There seems to be a lot I could be worrying about these days, but it occurred to me earlier as I was returning from my little lunch break today that I have REALLY good problems in my life right now...for the most part. Waiting on a house to be mine (or not). Waiting on a baby boy to be born. These are good things but it feels like this waiting is excruciating.



Waiting on my baby boy.

It seems like a life time has passed since I found out I was pregnant, but at the same time I want to FREAK out when I think how close October really is from today…and if he comes even a little early…I just can’t! When did it become June people? When? The hardest part in waiting through pregnancy is the in between doctor’s appointment part. Now that he moves a lot it’s a little easier, but still, I want a licensed professional, preferable and MD, to tell me everything is okay. Anyone, have any advice for a 20 week checkup? I kind of feel like I’m going to get into trouble for something. I HATE going to any kind of doctor/dentist/optometrist. It always feels like a test to me…like I’m going to fail. BUT then afterwards, I feel much better . . . usually. Prayers and good wishes are welcome – ANY time!

Waiting on home sweet home.

While I am completely comfortable staying in my childhood home…it’s still a transition. All of my things are everywhere and I just seem to keep accumulating more things as the weeks go by. I miss my king size bed. I want to be able to move forward with planning my nursery and bedroom and want to be able to say…”I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” We are still negotiating things but the feelings are pretty good still. I can't wait to have MY HOME to decorate and make mine. I know it will come with it's own set of quirks and problems, but it will be fine because it will be my home! I picked up some paint swatches yesterday and I can't wait to hold them up to the walls and say "this is the one" and then order my husband to paint away, while I go prop my feet up! =) I also took a few pictures of things I like a Lowes. Mostly for future projects in this house. It was fun to look and dream and see what COULD just be a reality.

This was as far as I got... ready for PART TWO?

I'm titling this part : When you think it’s ALL GOOD…you get a SWIFT KICK IN THE FACE!

BAM! This is reality, Stephanie it’s never ALL GOOD. Sometimes I wonder about life…why God makes challenges for us and what is there really to learn from it and does it REALLY make me a better person? In the middle of thoughts about rainbows and butterflies (or in my case babies and old new houses) and how I don’t have any REAL problems... the big ugly insurance machine rears its ugly head. Well, that’s where it started anyway. I know most people have had issues with dealing with insurance, but this is only the minor issue when it comes to today’s metaphorical kick in the face.

While I can’t blame my boss for never being in my situation before, I was told some false information about being able to take “unpaid leave” in October (when I meet my baby boy). Looks like I’ll be automatically terminated from my new job. While I understand that this is the policy…it still sucks for me. It leaves me questioning all the decisions I’ve made over the past year and meeting those GOALS I had for this year. I will most likely just be rehired at the end of my nonexistent “maternity leave”, but does this means I will have to START OVER: a new 90 day waiting period for insurance benefits, a YEARS wait for vacation/sick leave, and a 6 month probationary period (right after giving birth)? Should I have just suffered in silence at my old job? Was it really worth it all? I know there are thousands of people without jobs in this country, but I don’t want to be one of them! I'm being very pessimistic- which isn't the way I usually am - and this will end my pity party..for now

I know it’s all in God’s timing and he has a plan for me…us, but it’s this same old waiting game. Maybe there is something in His plan I’m missing or has yet to be revealed.



 

I will be listening and waiting…that IS the hardest part.

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3 comments

  1. what about fmla?? are you not allowed 12 wks family leave w/o losing your job??

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  2. Not until you've been at said job for 12 months! But I found some good stuff out today - I won't have to start over if I'm back within 6 months. So, it'll be fine.

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  3. I’m so sorry…that really sucks about your job. I’m sure God will have it all work out in the end but I definitely understand the anxiousness of all that waiting. Congratulations on the baby…mine is due in October as well. ;)

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