- Behind the Camera and Dreaming

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

While attempting to start my photography {side} business and attempting to become better at my {real} Social Work job, I have to admit I do NEED others to support me. I cannot "have it all" on my own. I want this photography thing to be a way for me to give back and give joy and memories. As in my {real} job, it CAN'T be all about me! In Marianna, it's RARELY about me. My clients don't care if I'm sick or tired or didn't sleep because the dog barked all night. When they need me, they need me and I have to be there for them. Even though I complain, I feel that the most of my joy comes from making others happy. But, as I tell all of my parents and kids too, you cannot make others happy unless YOU are happy. I recently began to follow Rev Run on Twitter and throughout the day he tweets encouragement and inspired quotes from others and himself. Today he tweeted this: "perfectionism is self abuse to the highest degree...if everything has to be right...something ain't." This hit me like a ton of bricks! Now don’t get me wrong, I am well aware of my imperfections. I have MANY! I am only human. Recently, I’ve decided that being human is perfect in itself. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to sit with another human {child} in the most vulnerable way…in tears. After talking {complaining} about this with my sister after work yesterday- I had that headache you sometimes get after stress tears just fall and fall- I continued to think about it throughout the evening. Seeing this child that I’ve gotten to know over the past almost three years be silenced by tears and not be able to describe the emotions he’s feeling…just knowing that it doesn’t feel good…I felt so sad, but I KNOW that the joy will return to this child because he has hope and joy inside of him. I’ve seen it, so I know it’s there and we will continue to work together to bring it back. No matter how much he manipulates, lies to, and just plain annoys me I will be there for him. Number one, because it’s my job {calling} and number two, because isn’t that what we are all looking for: Joy, Hope, Happiness?
For me the struggle continues. I have to remind myself that Perfectionism does not equal Happiness. Doing everything Right does not equal Joy. So, as you support me and encourage me on this journey I need you to remind me…I don’t have to be perfect at something I’m still learning and remind me…We never stop learning…so perfection is not achievable. . . and I will remind you that imperfection is perfect!


This picture I have posted on the sidebar of this blog was taken in early spring 2008 on Rosemary Beach. I rarely LOVE pictures of myself {this one is VERY imperfect} but it is a perfect memory of an EXTREMELY imperfect day! Mama, Sister Andrea, and I left early on a Friday morning for the emerald coast to scout wedding locales. Well, just like this year it SNOWED in south Mississippi! As we DROVE and DROVE, it got worse and worse…finally turning to rain somewhere before we hit the Alabama line. I can look at this picture and remember this day because of how imperfect my hair looks, but remember the perfect joy I experienced because of the smile on my face and the playful nature of the shot. My perfect day at the beach is not 50’s and raining it’s 75 and sunny, but THIS day stands out because of its flaws. We did not find a locale this day, but I did find my matron of honor and the Starbucks in Rosemary!

How often would I think of this day if it weren’t for this picture?

THIS is what Gray Mornings is all about!

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3 comments

  1. I don't know, Andrea, but I'd push it if one were there! I think I might take that quote about perfectionism and hang it on my wall at work.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Funny how a post over a week ago, can be just what I needed today. I guess that is how sisters work sometimes. Thanks for sharing this Steph!

    ReplyDelete

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